


Prodigal Son

by LittleMissJaded



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 08:05:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4698497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissJaded/pseuds/LittleMissJaded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes an entire lifetime to build you up and only one moment to tear you down. AJ McLean was no stranger to struggle. His life had been all about struggles. He'd fought like a champion for years to get his life on track and when it finally seemed like he did, it felt like he was doing something right for once. AJ was in the midst of a still successful career with a wife, a child, and everything in the world going for him...until one night when life as he knew it came crashing down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_Pain. Excruciating pain unlike any he had ever been able to imagine. It spread through out his body like a fiery torrent of torture that clawed at him from the inside out, devouring him little by little with one desire – to tear him to shreds. He could hear his heart hammering off rhythm, feel the way it thumped too quickly as if threatening to burst from his chest cavity. It wasn't right. None of this felt right and his lungs...God his lungs hurt with every breath he inhaled. Pain. So much pain.  
  
Eyes parted to blurry vision that at first all he could make out were jumbles of shapes and blobs of colors, ones that melted into the others with very little distinction. Everything was tinted in red around the outer edges. His face and every inch of exposed skin felt like it was being assaulted by the sharpest imaginable microscopic daggers, tearing at his flesh as if he were some grand canvas or carving board. But he couldn't move, not even an inch. There was so much pain.  
  
His eyes shut briefly as the world teetered one way and then the other, back again, over and over like some vomit-inducing amusement park ride. He could even taste the bile making its way up his throat, burning at the top of his esophagus before he attempted to swallow it down. None of it made sense. He felt sick. He felt like his body was shattering from the top of his head to the bottoms of his feet. He felt like he was  **dying**.  
  
Glass. Shards of glass everywhere. Prying his eyes open once again, he shifted his gaze downward to his lap and found it littering the bloodied material of his denim jeans like a blanket of razor-sharp diamonds. Ruby red diamonds tainted by the slick coating of blood.  **His**  blood. The bile rose up his throat a second time, almost choking him, and a tremor racked his body as he sucked in a deep breath.  
  
A howl of agony lodged itself in the middle of his throat and his body became rigid from the pain. He could barely breathe now and yet his lungs pleaded in survival mode for sufficient oxygen. It felt like there was a ton of bricks stacked upon his chest that were weighing him down...like it was the odds stacked against him. This was what dying felt like – a slow, terrifying suffocation as he bled out under a blanket of glass.  
  
Metal. Jagged metal all around him that were remnants of his once pristine prized Mercedes. It was the death trap he was now stuck in. His heart began to beat faster, his mind reeling and overworking just to grasp the outer limits of comprehension. But he couldn't comprehend. He couldn't make sense of any of it. All he knew is that the pain was getting worse with each passing second and the more time that passed, the more he felt himself slipping away.  
  
Sirens announcing the impending approach of an emergency medical crew wailed faintly in the distance. He could barely hear the sound above the whooshing of his heart in his ears, so he couldn't judge which direction they were coming from or how far away they really were. Hell, for all he knew, he could have been imagining the sound. His head hurt so bad, like it was about to explode. Or maybe it was his failing mind's last ditch effort to concoct a scenario of help on the way. He felt beyond help though.  
  
He was dying.  
  
He didn't want to die.  
  
A soft moan pierced the air, preceded by a wet rattling breath. Suddenly it was the only sound he could hear and it nearly made his heart cease from beating further. She was nearby, inches away from him, in fact. Right there in the passenger seat beside him, exactly where she had been before everything had happened. He couldn't see her. He couldn't even reach out and touch her, all because he couldn't muster the strength within to physically do so. But he could hear her. He could hear each labored breath she took and how her breathing became more shallow every time. It wasn't good. None of it was good. She wasn't okay and he knew it.  
  
“Ro'-” he choked out in a voice that barely projected. He swallowed thickly and the taste of blood filtered through his mouth. “Ro', baby, say something-”  
  
For several seconds he couldn't hear her anymore. He couldn't tell if she was still breathing. The terror that flooded his battered body was like no other and he could feel the hot burning tears of his despair welling in the corners of his eyes. He begged his mind to force his right hand to reach for her, but try as he might, his body wouldn't cooperate. This couldn't be happening. Not to them. Not like this.  
  
“A-Alex...” she suddenly whispered. He could barely make out his name passing her lips; it was just short of mumbled. But it was there and for a brief moment, it gave him a fluttering of hope. She moaned again and the sound quickly turned into a weaker whimper. "It...it hurts..."  
  
"Fuck!" He grimaced as he clenched his eyes shut to a blinding shock wave of pain that exploded throughout his body. "I know, baby. I know it hurts. Fuck, I'm sorry. Just hold on, Ro'. We're gonna be okay. Just hold on. Help is coming-"_  
  
AJ McLean awoke with a startled gasp for air that had his heart running a marathon in his chest. Everything about the nightmare still taunted him; phantom pains, the desperation, the helplessness.  ** _Her_**. He sat up quickly on the unstable cot, ignoring the way it groaned in protest under his weight, and threw the musty smelling blankets away from him. The movements were too quick though and an avenging pain exploded in his right knee, sending him tumbling off of the cot out of reflex as he cursed sharply.  
  
He hit the cold damp ground with a loud thud that echoed around him and just laid there a moment, his chest rising and falling quickly with each heavy breath he inhaled and exhaled. "Son of a bitch..." he finally muttered and grappled at the ground to push himself upright. Feeling was rapidly rushing back into his sleep numbed body and it took AJ a while to properly regain his bearings.  
  
Sagging against the edge of the cot, he gripped his knee and mentally willed the throbbing pain to subside, but he found no such relief. Not that AJ could particularly recall a time when his knee had been pain free. It had been that long and daily he lived with the crippling after effects of the injury sustained years earlier that caused him to now walk with a noticeable limp - the price to be paid for an unavoidable knee replacement.  
  
AJ grit his teeth together and pushed himself away from the cot, only to scoot blindly through the dark towards the torn and frayed backpack he'd left laying near by. The ground was wetter than normal from a recent rain storm that had washed a higher volume of water through the tunnels. He didn't pay much attention to the fact that the condensation seeped straight through the already dirty denim of his jeans though. He was no stranger to his unsanitary living conditions. His mind was focused on the bottle of unlabeled pain killers buried somewhere in that bag, something strong enough to take the edge off the pain that was now spreading up his thigh and would soon make it almost impossible for him to remain physically mobile.  
  
"Where the fuck is it?" AJ muttered anxiously under his breath as he shoved his hand deep into the back pack and felt around haphazardly, trying to locate the bottle. There was very little AJ kept as possessions, most of which he stowed in the back pack as a precaution to keep it with him at all times in case any of the other tunnel inhabitants came snooping around when he wasn't there. Although, that hadn't happened since the last dweller he'd caught and left in a bloodied heap on the ground just outside the tunnel entrance. Still, AJ trusted no one and he wasn't about to take chances.  
  
Cursing again, AJ reached into his pocket with his free hand and pulled out the zippo lighter he'd recently acquired. The tiny flame cast an eerie flickering glow around him and provided him just enough light to peer into the cluttered contents of the bag. Shoving clothing that had seen better days to the side, AJ finally located the pill bottle at the very bottom, right beneath a half empty fifth of Jack and he pulled both items out into the open. He was dismayed to see only a few of the pills remaining and he knew it would be a chore in itself to get more, whatever the Hell they were, but that was really the least of his concerns at the moment. AJ just needed the pain to subside and most of all his mind to grow numb to the lasting effects of the nightmare that was still taunting him.  
  
The same nightmare that had been plaguing him every night for the past five years.  
  
AJ grunted as he set the still aflame lighter upright on the sodden ground and managed to twist the cap off the pill bottle. Three little pale blue perfectly circular pills shook out into the palm of his hand and he quickly popped them into his mouth before reaching for the bottle of Jack to wash them down. The liquor was warm and it burned AJ's throat, but he welcomed the feeling and swallowed several more shots before hoisting himself back up onto the cot once again. It would have to do.  
  
His heart finally began to even out in rhythm just as he settled himself and his head came to rest upon the cover-less pillow he'd found for a penny at the thrift shop a few miles down the road. It was a lumpy sorry excuse for a pillow, but it was a Hell of a lot better than laying his head on the stiffness of the cot padding as he had been doing and AJ had learned how not to complain about a lack of luxury. What little he had now, and that was practically nothing, he clung to it.  
  
It didn't take long for the combination of the whiskey and medication to begin to work its way through his system and the pain in AJ's knee subsided into a dull throbbing that he barely noticed. Even the headache attempting to claw its way to the surface of his temples remained dormant and less of an issue. It made everything tolerable enough that AJ was actually able to relax again, although he opted lazily to forgo yanking the blankets over himself.  
  
Somewhere off in the distance, down one of the tunnels not far from his own, AJ could hear the slurred words of a drunken man's yelling. He tried to tune the annoying bastard out as he allowed his eyes to flutter shut, coaxing himself into a lulling alcohol and drug induced daze that would hopefully protect him from his nightmares for a least a couple of more hours until the sun rose over the horizon.  
  
This...this is what AJ's life had become - a worthless waste, homeless with nothing but a drunk man's ranting as his nightly lullaby.


	2. Chapter 1

To say Kevin Richardson was grumpy by the time he stepped off the plane and into the sweltering heat of the midday Las Vegas sun would be a far cry short of an understatement. Exhausted, frustrated, and at his wit's end was more like it, but most of all, he was afraid. Afraid of another dead end. Afraid of disappointment. Afraid of simply...not knowing still. One could not blame him for being afraid that yet again this would turn out to be another one of those worthless leads that got them nowhere. After all, they had spent the past five years going in circles while practically looking for a needle in a haystack.  
  
A man in an expensive designer suit brushed past Kevin impatiently as he spoke quickly on the latest iPhone pressed to his ear. Stumbling out of the way, Kevin's lips parted to offer the man a mumble of apology, but he was already a distance ahead of him on the tarmac and it would have been useless to even call out to him. Not that Kevin thought it would have done any good anyway; the man walked with an air about him that said slowing down was never an option and his stiff business demeanor was more than just a bit intimidating. Kevin rather preferred to just let him go.  
  
The blast of cool air that hit Kevin as he entered McCarran International Airport a short time later was a change in temperature he welcomed readily. It sure beat the cramped stuffiness of his economy class seat that he'd just spent the last two hours enduring, stuck smack dab in the middle between a woman with a crying infant and an over-sized gentleman that seemed to have indulged in too many Big Macs through out the years. Those two alone had Kevin wishing he'd forked over the half a grand for the first class upgrade on his last minute flight. Then again, he hadn't really been thinking.  
  
Kevin sighed under his breath and stepped out of the way before more impatient people could physically brush past him. He was glad to be off the plane and more than ready to get to his hotel and at least change out of his sweaty shirt before he got a hold of Benny, his Vegas contact, or vice versa. Kevin just couldn't get past the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that this trip, this venture of hope, was going to turn out to be anything but what he was wanting. Hell, what they were all wanting. He wasn't the only one holding onto a waning hope. The past five years had been hard for all of them. It just happened to be Kevin, though, who had the privilege of following up on this lead. It had been Kevin who'd made contact with Benny months before when the last lead proved useless. It had  ** _always_**  been Kevin who exhausted all efforts when most hope flickered out of everyone else.  
  
Except for Denise. The poor woman refused to let go of the hope that still burned within her and sometimes Kevin wondered if that was one of the only things that kept her going each day. She refused to stop believing, no matter how much time passed. And Kevin felt for her, he really did. Maybe he even pitied her because he couldn't help but wonder at times if they were all crazy for still...was hoping even the right word any more? Could Kevin blame Denise for feeling that way though? No...no, he couldn't.  
  
It took a good hour for baggage claim to spit out the small suitcase Kevin had packed for the trip (his was the last to come down the conveyor belt, just his luck) and another thirty minutes before the rental car agency worked out their unorganized mishap that had him ready to pull his hair out by the time the representative handed him the set of car keys. Pleasant wasn't anywhere in Kevin's vocabulary after he left the representative speechless behind the counter. In fact, he'd probably said a little too much and he couldn't be sure the young woman had understood everything he said, but he didn't care. Kevin just didn't have the patience for anything else to go wrong. He wanted something to go  ** _right_**.  
  
Naturally God had it out for him the moment Kevin merged the rental car onto the interstate and found himself caught in the midst of a horrendous traffic jam. He'd picked a hotel away from the strip in an attempt to avoid the Vegas traffic as much as possible, but that clearly wasn't working in his favor now either. However, judging by the flashing emergency lights up ahead, it was a multi-car accident causing the hold up and Kevin resigned to the fact that he was forced to come to a stand still. He probably would have had better luck staying at the MGM Grand, traffic or no traffic.  
  
Switching the air conditioning system on full blast, Kevin slouched in the driver's seat and rubbed at his temples to will away the dull ache that was starting to form. Damn tension headache was the last thing he really needed to be dealing with at the moment. And just as if to reiterate that, his phone began to ring from where he'd set it on the passenger seat. Kevin reached for it quickly and without looking at the screen, he pressed it to his ear and answered the call in a gruff tone.  
  
“This is Kevin,” he said with little thought afforded to who was actually calling.  
  
“Kevin Richardson!” a familiar voice greeted him on the other end of the line. The man's enthusiastic tone both made Kevin cringe and sit up straighter with renewed attention all at the same time because he'd be damned if he didn't actually recognize the slight Hispanic accent and the “no bullshit” attitude from every previous encounter he'd had with the guy. “It's Benny Estes. I'm guessing you made it to town safe and sound?”  
  
“If you consider the Hell I've been through just to get here today a safe and sound arrival, then yeah...I'm here,” Kevin answered with a forced chuckle. “It'll be even better once I get off this damn interstate and find my hotel.”  
  
Benny chuckled on his end and Kevin could hear him shuffling around. “Welcome to Sin City, man. Just remember, what happens here stays here.”  
  
“It's not my first rodeo,” Kevin reminded him. The cars in front of him began to slowly move and he inched the rental car along with them. “Been a few years though. Don't plan much on staying in the area any longer than is necessary.”  
  
“No desire to hit gambler's lane?” Benny joked, but when Kevin didn't respond the way he anticipated, he cleared his throat and his voice dramatically changed. “Right. All business, no pleasure. I get it.”  
  
“I'm here for one purpose only,” Kevin stated the obvious, but for a moment he wondered whose benefit he was stating it for more...his own or Benny's, as if one of them needed the extra convincing.  
  
"Nah, man. I get it. No explanation needed," Benny answered. Kevin could hear him shuffling some more before the other man cleared his throat again and continued to speak. "Listen. You tell me which hotel you'll be staying at and I'll meet you there."  
  
Kevin relayed the information to him that he'd memorized before boarding his flight late that morning and muttered a quick thanks to end the call. Traffic began to move more steadily and true to his word, Benny was standing outside the hotel lobby doors waiting for him when he arrived. The guy stuck out like a sore thumb in his khaki cargo shorts and loud blue and white Hawaiian print button down and he was a lot shorter than Kevin imagined, not to mention stocky and muscular. But what he lacked in height, it was clearly obvious Benny made up for with his demeanor. His dark mocha eyes were slightly narrowed to beckon anyone to challenge him and the right corner of his mouth was curled up in a cocky confident grin that wouldn't have had Kevin approaching him on the streets on any normal day.  
  
Benny approached the driver's side of the rental car just as Kevin opened the door to climb out. "Kevin Richardson," he greeted and his hand jutted out quickly to grasp Kevin's before he was steady on his feet. "Pleasure to finally meet you face to face."  
  
"Like wise," Kevin nodded as he firmly shook Benny's hand in return.  
  
Motioning back over his shoulder with a nod of his head towards the hotel lobby, Benny kept his focus on Kevin. "How about you go get yourself checked in and we'll grab lunch and talk. My treat."  
  
Kevin nodded again in an attempt to keep his nerves at bay. He wasn't about to let Benny know just how apprehensive he was actually feeling about all of this. And if Benny could tell that about Kevin by appearance alone, he showed no signs of it. "Thanks. I won't be long," Kevin replied and grabbing his suitcase from the trunk of the car, he swiftly entered the hotel.  
  
The room was nothing spectacular, just a standard double queen with floral print comforters and run of the mill plain decorations sparsely pinned to the walls, but Kevin had expected that much for a cheap rate. He set his suitcase on one of the two beds and adjusted the temperature in the room before quickly changing into some fresh clothing. All logic told him that he needed to prepare himself for disappointment once again. Kevin didn't want to get his hopes up, but it was hard not to, even after all this time. The anticipation made him angry and impatient, but nervous most of all. The selfish part of him, the part that didn't want to take any of the blame, wanted to be hateful and turn his back. Yet there wasn't a part of Kevin that didn't believe he would ever be able to do that.  
  
Sending a quick text to his wife Kristin to let her know he had checked in safely to his hotel and he would call her later with any updates, Kevin returned down to the lobby and rejoined Benny where the shorter man was still waiting for him outside, this time with a burning Camel cigarette dangling between his lips. He slipped his phone into the pocket of his jeans just as he reached him and smoothed out his shirt. “I'm ready,” he said and forced a tight smile.  
  
Benny dropped the half smoked cigarette to the ground and snubbed it out with the toe of his shoe as he pulled a set of keys from his pocket. “I know the area better, so I'll drive. Car's this way.”  
  
And just like that, Kevin followed Benny over to a parked black Jeep Wrangler. Neither said anything as they settled inside and as the engine roared to life, Kevin's mind wandered to the place where his doubts and deepest fears resided. With the passing of the seconds, he felt himself become even more anxious than before. His heart hammered nervously and his palms became sweaty. This was always the point in time when Kevin noted his stomach twisting with sickness, that justified dread that was a product of years of being let down. So he silently prayed to God that this time would be different, that their perseverance would finally pay off.  
  
After easing the Jeep into traffic, Benny leaned over and opened the glove compartment in front of Kevin. He pulled a manilla envelope out and handed it to him. “Here, I thought you'd wanna see this. A couple of my guys in the tunnels caught these for me. They've been keeping an eye on your friend for me.”  
  
Kevin glanced at Benny with uncertainty as he took the envelope. “What do you mean keeping an eye on him?” he asked.  
  
“Making sure he's still around, still breathing. It's kind of a community, if you wanna look at it that way. But not all of them are well to do even by their standards and a lot of them definitely aren't immune to trouble.”  
  
Kevin's brows furled as he flipped the envelope over and slid his finger beneath the flap to open it. “...And?”  
  
“And what?”  
  
“My friend.” Kevin's voice was a little more snappish and acidic than he attended. He exhaled a hard sigh through his nose and reached into the envelope, purposefully calming his tone. “He's still around, still breathing, not in any kind of trouble.”  
  
“He's still around and still breathing,” Benny confirmed with a tight nod that Kevin didn't see because his attention was focused on the envelope. “As far as his trouble or a lack there of, I couldn't tell ya. Your guess is as good as mine. There's unspoken unofficial rules and laws in those tunnels. They keep it to themselves if they can.”  
  
Sliding his hand into the envelope, Kevin found a thin stack of what he assumed to be photographs at the bottom. He pulled them out to prove his assumptions correct and held them up in the sunlight that was shining through the passenger window. The images were grainy at best, way too pixelated after being re-sized upon printing, and were obviously taken by a less than quality cellphone camera. But even so, Kevin couldn't deny the way his heart leapt into his throat just by the sight of them.  
  
There was no mistaking the image of his friend, no matter how much time had passed since the last time Kevin had seen him. He could pick that figure out from the middle of a huge crowd with no trouble at all. The decades of knowing him made it impossible for Kevin to ever forget. The tattoos. The receding hairline. The gruff demeanor. The sometimes hunched posture, especially now. It  ** _was_**  AJ and it made Kevin want to sob with thanks that his friend, his  ** _brother_**  appeared to be relatively okay, at least when the images were captured.  
  
Five years of searching. Five years of not knowing. Five years of dimming hope.  
  
“Y'know,” Benny spoke up a while later when the silence had accumulated for too long. The car rolled to a slow idling stop at a traffic light and he glanced in Kevin's direction. “Kevin, man...I gotta ask ya. I know how long you've been searching and I understand not wanting to give up. That's why I'm helping ya and I'm glad that we found him, but...I mean, did it ever occur to ya that it took this long to track him down because he didn't want to be found?”  
  
It took a moment for Kevin to find his voice to answer. How many times had he asked himself that very same question over the years? It was the nagging little voice always lingering at the corners of his conscious telling him that they were all wasting their time. But it made Kevin all the more determined to continuing pushing forward. It didn't matter to him whether AJ wanted to be found or not.  
  
Kevin inhaled deeply before answering. “You don't know him like I do. It doesn't matter if he doesn't want to be found. He has a habit of losing track of what's good for him and running from the help he needs.”  
  
“Character flaw? Everyone has them,” Benny nodded as if he understood, but he really didn't. “I just wanna make sure that you understand there's a chance that this may not go the way you're hoping it will.”  
“I've had five years to prepare for this moment, Benny. Five years to prepare for it to all blow up in my face.”  
  
The Jeep surged through the intersection as soon as the light turned green. “He's a lucky sonofabitch to have a friend like you, then. Hell, if the rest of the friends you guys share are half as caring, he'd be an idiot not to listen.”  
  
Kevin winced at Benny's declaration, but he didn't have the heart to tell him that the rest of their friends' resolvec had already begun to wane long before his. Instead, Kevin shoved the photos back into the manilla envelope and sat up straighter, new determination crossing his face. “Change of plans.”  
  
“I'm sorry, what?” Benny looked at him again.  
  
Kevin gripped the envelope tightly in his hands, crinkling it. “We're skipping lunch. I want to go straight to the tunnels.”  
  
Benny returned his attention forward through the windshield and whipped the Jeep into the other lane, narrowly missing a BMW convertible that came speeding up on them. “Are you sure?”  
  
“Without a doubt. I'm done waiting.”  
  
*****  
  
It had been an interesting day so far, AJ decided by the time he rounded the street corner and caught sight of the tunnel entrance up ahead. It was located at the end of a dead-end street, hidden in an abandoned corner of the industrial sector of Las Vegas, a safe distance away from the hustle and bustle and glimmering lights of the gambling district. Not that that had ever stopped AJ from making the trek into the heart of Sin City when he got his hands on a few extra dollars. Hell, that was part of the reason he was in the current situation he was in. Just now it was getting a little harder physically to walk the distance from here to there and he wasn't about to start forking up the fare for a cab ride. Not that he had the expense to spare for such a thing. He hadn't in a long time.  
  
Pausing at the corner momentarily, AJ reached a dirt smudged hand up to wipe a drip of sweat from his brow. The heat from the sun had become brutal as the day progressed steadily into the afternoon and warmed the cracking asphalt AJ traveled along. He'd spent more time out in the open than he'd originally intended to, but his endeavors had proved not easy to accomplish. His dealer had fallen through, so AJ had to go to extra lengths just to get what he needed and if not for his lack of moral compass, he might have felt guilty. Ashamed, even. Years before was a time when he actually would have. Now, AJ had no shame.  
  
Survival. He did what he had to do.  
  
Grimacing from the pain that pulsed through his knee, AJ readjusted the strap of the back pack on his shoulder and proceeded to step off the curb of the sidewalk and continued on his way to the tunnel. There was hardly anyone around at that hour and AJ was glad for that much. Just a few stragglers that barely afforded him a solitary glance. AJ couldn't have cared less though. He preferred it that way. There was less chance of trouble occurring if he kept to himself and avoided the communication. Plus, there was very little he wanted to do more at the moment than retreat to the dank darkness of his corner of the tunnel and get out of the heat that had become, for all dramatic purposes, Hell on Earth.  
  
His brows furled in concentration as he carefully traversed the decline down to the tunnel entrance. AJ's footsteps echoed against the cement and the awkward angle of the slope made his feet ache more than they already did. The shoes he wore had seen better days and that was before AJ had acquired them during a drunken dumpster dive a few months back when he'd gone on a three day bender. They often left his feet blistered and sore by the end of the day and the rubber soles were wearing thin. It didn't help that they were almost too small to begin with. AJ knew he would have to find a suitable replacement pair soon, but these would have to do for a while longer. He didn't have much choice.  
  
The bright rays of the sun faded behind him as AJ ventured deeper into the tunnel and as he rounded the first corner, he reached into the front pocket of the back pack to pull out the small flash light. It flickered as he turned it on and he had to smack it against the palm of his hand a couple of times before it produced a steady beam of illumination. Damn thing would need new batteries soon. Seemed like nothing ever lasted long these days. Just one more thing to add to his list.  
  
It was a few moments later that AJ rounded another corner and finally turned into his little personal space away from the rest of the world, more than ready to collapse onto his cot and take the weight off his feet. He stopped short, though, and his grip tightened on the handle of the flashlight as his eyes focused upon the straggler across from him who was busying himself by rummaging through a box of items AJ kept stored in his space. AJ's eyes turned to daggers as he stormed towards the straggler, his free hand curling into a fist with intention to attack.  
  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" he growled, his tone raspy and menacing. Gripping the straggler's shoulder, AJ spun him to face him before the guy had a chance to react and slammed him into the wall. There was venom in AJ's eyes, venom that was pure reaction to defend himself and what was his.  ** _This_**  sort of situation was the last thing AJ had the patience to be dealing with right now. "I asked you a fucking question!"  
  
The straggler stared back at him, clearly can taken off guard from the unexpected interruption. He wasn't anyone AJ recognized and he damn near knew everyone dwelling in the tunnels currently. This one had to be a new comer and an extremely dumb one at that. "No harm done, man," the straggler stuttered, wincing as AJ's fingers dug into his shoulder, keeping him firmly held in place. "How about you remove your hand from my shoulder now?"  
  
AJ leaned in closer, seething and fighting the urge to slam the flashlight against the side of the straggler's head. "Listen here, you sonofabitch. I don't know what Hell hole you crawled out of before here, but in these parts, we have rules. You hear me? Starting with keeping your fucking hands off my shit. Understand? Now get the Hell out of my space before my fist rearranges your face."  
  
The straggler stumbled away from AJ, cursing and muttering under his breath about how insane AJ was. He was gone within seconds and AJ scowled as he briefly looked into the box to assure nothing was missing. It didn't appear like anything was out of place, so he turned from the box and shuffled over to his cot.  
  
Taking a heavy seat on the edge of the cot and ignoring the way the flimsy metal frame groaned under his weight, he set the back pack beside him and dug inside it, pulling a crinkled brown paper bag out. The bag smelled of greasy burgers and fries, which is exactly what it was and AJ's stomach grumbled in anticipation of devouring the meal he'd scored through a stroke of luck. That had been one of the bonuses of AJ's day so far and he sure as Hell wasn't complaining about it, even if the food had already become cold. It would be the first decent meal he'd had in days. Then there was the tiny plastic bag of white pills and a bottle of cheap whiskey he pulled out of the back pack next.  _'Dessert,'_  AJ thought with a quiet snicker and his company of choice for the rest of the day if it worked out his way.  
  
AJ shoved the back pack away from himself and reached beneath the cot to grab hold of the oil latern he kept hidden there. Once he had it lit and the area was bathed in a flickering golden glow, AJ settled with his back against the wall. He sat there for a while, pulling one of the burgers from the bag and slowly unwrapped it before taking a bite. God, he was starving and the pleasing flavor of the burger exploded in his mouth as he chewed. It didn't take AJ long to devour the first one and he started in on the second burger without regret, shoving a clump of salty fries into his mouth. There was no savoring the meal; he ate to satisfy himself and to quench the hunger pangs that assaulted his stomach.  
  
AJ's eyes swept his surroundings periodically as he sat there and he kept his ears fined tuned to every sound around him. From the dripping of water coming from cracks in the ceiling to voices ringing out from off in the distant, none of it phased AJ. These were the things he'd grown used too, maybe even too used to. They kept him alert and they lulled him comfortably at the same time. It was such a far cry different from what AJ had been used to in the past, back in the time when his life was crazy compared to normal standards, but that had been his normal. Everything was different now though. That time of his life was gone and long since buried in the past. There was no getting it back and there wasn't a part of AJ that  ** _wanted_**  to get it back.  
  
He just wanted to forget...  
  
Crumpling the second burger wrapper, AJ carelessly tossed it away from him and grabbed hold of the whiskey bottle, uncapping it. The liquor coated his mouth and throat warmly as he swallowed a short shot and slouched against the wall. AJ had lost count of the time he'd spent taking up residence in this particular tunnel. The days had turned into weeks and the weeks into months. In fact, it was the longest he'd spent in one place in quite a while. Of course, he couldn't really deny the appeal of the gambling district that kept him lingering in the area, even if it had been AJ's ultimate downfall and the reason for why he'd lost everything monetarily that he had left.  
  
But AJ had no one to blame but himself. The very blame for the reason his life had fallen in shambles around him was blood on  ** _his_**  hands. He  ** _wanted_**  to forget but he would never be able to.  
  
"Yo, James, made it back, did ya?"  
  
AJ looked up to see the familiar face of Garrett, one of the other tunnel dwellers, poking his head through the opening across from the cot. He was a grimy man of sorts with decaying teeth and untrustworthy eyes, but AJ found him to be rather harmless. Garrett had also been one of the first dwellers he'd established a friendship with upon his arrival, as much of a friendship that could be developed down below. So AJ beckoned him in with a nod of his head and swallowed another shot from the bottle of whiskey.  
  
Garrett dawdled forward, almost nervously, as he buried his hands in dirty jeans pockets. "Hear you caused a real scene with the new comer a little bit ago," he mentioned with a knowing smirk. "He's been outside running his mouth about it to anyone who'll listen."  
  
"Caught the fucker digging around in my shit," AJ replied casually like the encounter had been no big deal. "Next time, I won't be so easy going about it."  
  
Garrett's snicker bounced off the walls. "You want me to direct him Frankie's way? Poor bastard still bitches like a woman about the beat down you gave him a few weeks ago every time he sees you."  
  
AJ chuckled inwardly. "Nah, man, I got it covered," he replied and extended the bottle of whiskey in Garrett's direction. “He's off to a bad start. I wouldn't mind rearranging his face if he steps wrong again.”  
  
"Sparing no expense to keep your reputation in check," Garrett noted as he nervously took the bottle of whiskey from AJ's grasp. He tipped the rim of the bottle against his lips and swallowed a sip, then swiped his hand against his mouth. "So...get anything good today?"  
  
"Who wants to know?" AJ gruffed as he eyed Garrett in annoyance.  
  
Garrett held a hand up in defense. "Hey, just making friendly conversation."  
  
"Right," AJ rolled his eyes and sat up sharply, jutting out his hand for the whiskey bottle. "Get your own shit, Garrett. You're not getting any of mine. And while you're at it, tell everyone who's waiting outside the same. Fucking beggars."  
  
Garret relinquished the bottle to AJ and took a cautionary step back. "Chill out, man."  
  
AJ cocked a brow. "Or how about you get the Hell outta my sight?"  
  
"To Hell with you," Garrett muttered, waving AJ off as he turned to leave the area.  
  
Setting the bottle aside, AJ reached into the grease stained fast food bag and pulled out the last burger. "Hold up, asshole." Garrett turned back to him with a questioning stare just before he could disappear from sight and fumbled to catch the burger that sailed through the air in his direction. AJ smirked at him. "Don't say I didn't ever do anything for ya."  
  
It was Garrett's turn to roll his eyes this time. "Later, James," he chuckled and left the area, unwrapping the burger greedily as he went.  
  
AJ settled back against the wall again and released a heavy sigh. His annoyance waned when he was alone once more and the distant chattering of the other dwellers was nothing more than background noise. He allowed his eyes to flutter shut and his mind to drift, exhaustion creeping over him, and considered the outlook for the rest of the day. Not that AJ had anything to look forward to. That rarely happened these days, aside from his next score whether that meant drugs, liquor, or sex...or a combination of the above.  
  
As much as he wanted to forget, sometimes AJ couldn't help but mourn what his life had once been.  
  
*****  
  
As Benny pulled the Jeep into the abandoned section of an industrial neighborhood, Kevin felt his blood run a little cold. It was all he could do not to question if they were even heading in the right direction, but he knew and he trusted Benny not to lead him astray. Plus, Benny knew the area better than Kevin ever could and if he said this was where AJ was last seen, then this was as good a place as any for Kevin to start looking for him. It just made him a little sick to his stomach to survey their new surroundings and take in the dilapidated landscape. He didn't want to believe that AJ had resigned to living in such conditions. Hell, even after all these years since his friend and brother had been gone, Kevin didn't want to believe that AJ had ever disappeared in the first place. Still, the shell shock of the revelation was almost too much to handle.  
  
The Jeep came to a slow rolling stop at the bank of a dead end and Benny jammed the gear into park before killing the engine and pulling the key from the ignition. Kevin continued to look around in disbelief with brows that furled into a tight line, unaware that the roar of the engine had dulled to silence, and it wasn't until Benny cleared his throat and called out to him that he blinked back to attention and glanced at the shorter man.  
  
Kevin frowned as his hand moved to linger on the clasp of the seat belt. "Sorry, I just..." he drawled.  
  
Benny nodded and afforded a glance around them. "Most people are pretty damn surprised when they're faced with this. And this ain't the worst conditions I've brought a client to either. It's just-"  
  
"Not what I expected," Kevin interrupted, his frown deepening as he shifted his gaze around them.  
  
"It never is," Benny agreed and reached to open the driver's door, but he paused before he could do so. "The tunnel's just up ahead, over the edge and down the little embankment. If it would be easier for you to just wait here, I can go down there by myself and-"  
  
"No!" Kevin interrupted him sharply and feeling the heat of embarrassment flare up in his cheeks, he offered Benny an uncertain faint smile of apology. "No, I want to go too. I need to. If AJ's down there, I want to see it. I need to know."  
  
Benny opened the driver's door. "Alright. But a word of advice, let me do the talking until we get inside.  ** _If_**  we get inside," he instructed and climbed out.  
  
Kevin wanted to ask Benny what he meant by  ** _if_** , but instead he wordlessly followed suit and pushed the passenger door open. The blistering heat engulfed him immediately, causing a thin sheen of sweat to form along his hair line within moments. Quietly shutting the passenger door, Kevin joined Benny at the head of the Jeep and ran his hand nervously through his hair as he looked around again. "You sure this is the right place?" he asked.  
  
“About as certain as I can be,” Benny answered with a firm nod as he glanced at his watch. “My sources in this network are about as good as any. They spread the word for me. Showed your friend's picture around. Like I told you, they said there's a guy matching his description living in this tunnel, only he's going by the name of James.”  
  
“That's his middle name.” Kevin inhaled deeply and looked ahead of them. “It's him. I know it is. Those pictures you showed me...there's no mistaking that it's him.”  
  
“Lets not waste anymore time then.” Benny expression was encouraging, but there was no way he could possibly understand the weight of the pressure pressing down on Kevin at that moment. He didn't have anything riding on this happening like Kevin, whereas for Kevin, it felt like he had  ** _everything_**  riding on this. “First we gotta find out if he's even 'home' right now.”  
  
“This isn't his home,” Kevin muttered as he followed in Benny's wake, but the shorter man didn't hear him.  
  
Kevin's heart leapt a bit into his throat as they crossed the surface of the asphalt. The ground was uneven and had cracked in places over time. It was disheartening to see really. Abandonment had seen the area fall into disarray, neglect leaving the landscape to memories past. It looked as though at one time it had been bustling with business and it probably had. Now, it was vacant, much like a ghost town, with the surrounding buildings crumbling and missing windows, doorways boarded up, and walls littered with graffiti. It was exactly what you would expect for the gathering grounds for a band of misfits.  
  
Benny stepped over the edge of the embankment and carefully inched down the slope. Kevin didn't trail too far behind. His posture was rigid and on the defense because he didn't know what to expect and without thinking about it, he'd already prepared himself for anything to happen on unknown territory, even if Benny's steps were confident and he didn't seem too concerned for their safety at the moment. Then Benny stopped when they reached the bottom and Kevin had to quickly do the same to keep from colliding with him.  
  
Directly ahead of them was the opening to the tunnel. Darkness beckoned them from within the opening, but Benny remained firmly rooted in spot and Kevin didn't want to chance moving forward without him, especially after being warned to pretty much keep his mouth shut. There were a few questionable individuals lingering nearby the tunnel opening, and one of them, a man with stringy black hair and oily skin, approached them with an accusatory stare. He sized Benny up and down, his brow cocked.  
  
"You a cop?" the man asked in a gravelly voice that betrayed his appearance. Straight to the point and distrusting. Kevin didn't trust the man either. "You better not be no cop. I don't do business with cops."  
  
Benny stared the man down calmly. "Not a cop and don't want any trouble either."  
  
The man's eyes shifted to Kevin to size him up and down as well. He snorted inwardly, arms crossing over his chest. "He a cop? Looks like a damn cop."  
  
Benny fought a smirk. "Nah, he ain't a cop either. We're here looking for a friend."  
  
"My brother," Kevin spoke up before he could stop himself. "We were told he's staying here."  
  
The man returned his attention to Kevin, almost annoyed that he'd interrupted. "Your brother, you say? Hard to believe. Family don't come around these parts for any of us."  
  
Benny held up his hand to quiet Kevin before a response could pass his lips. He offered the man a tight-lipped smile. "This is an exception to the rule. I was told by a guy named Garrett who stays here that the guy we're looking for stays here also."  
  
"Yeah?" The man looked between Kevin and Benny. "What's this supposed guy's name?"  
  
"He goes by the name 'James'," Benny answered as he reached into the breast pocket of his shirt and pulled out a small photograph that was obviously a smaller print out of one of the ones Kevin saw while they were in the Jeep. "Ring a bell?"  
  
The man's eyes scrutinized the photograph after snatching it from Benny's grasp. He shrugged. "Yeah. I've seen him," he muttered and shoved the photograph back. "Can't help ya though." He started to turn away from them.  
  
Kevin's frown surfaced quickly and he started to take a step after him. "Wait, please. If you know my brother-"  
  
Benny's hand gripped his shoulder to hold him back. "Let me handle this," he spoke just a breath above a whisper.  
  
Kevin exhaled a hard sigh as he reluctantly took a step back. It was hard to keep his frustrations in check when all he wanted to do was lunge at that sonofabitch walking away from them and demand he lead them immediately to where AJ was at. He wanted to yell and curse that he was at his wits end and that he  ** _needed_**  the cooperation about as much as he needed to breathe just to stay conscious. It was that tug of war between his hope and despair that was driving Kevin crazy. If this didn't turn out the way he was praying for it to, Kevin didn't know what he was going to do. Not to mention the dread he felt towards possibly having to make that phone call to Denise once again...  
  
"Hey, hold up one second," Benny called out to the man and casually followed him.  
  
They stood a bit of distance away and Kevin had to respect the way Benny took control of the situation, but he couldn't hear a word that was being said. Periodically, the straggler glanced wearily in Kevin's direction with that same distrust in his eyes, but their gazes never quite met. And then he abruptly turned from Benny and disappeared into the darkness of the tunnel without another word. It left Kevin automatically expecting the worse. The sickening disappointment welled in his stomach and his lungs became a little more constricted. It didn't show outwardly though. Kevin just stared straight ahead with a blank expression.  
  
Eventually, Benny returned to his side. It wasn't until he was snapping his fingers in front of Kevin's face that Kevin finally refocused on him, albeit with a stare that was withdrawn and a demeanor that was borderline ready to throw in the towel. Benny's arm dropped to his side. “Damn bastards are about as closed up tight as a virgin,” he attempted to joke, but his face became serious again when Kevin failed to show any signs of humor. “He said he'd go get Garrett and that's as far as he's insisting his help will go. Just gotta see if he's true to his word.”  
  
Kevin pursed his lips tightly together and allowed his stare to wander elsewhere. “I want the honest to God truth, Benny. Am I wasting my time here?”  
  
Benny shoved his hands in his pockets. “You got this far. Right? What else do you have to lose?”  
  
 _'A lot'_  Kevin thought with a tight shake of his head.  
  
Benny nudged Kevin in the ribs a moment later with his elbow and nodded ahead of them when a different guy began to approach from the tunnel entrance. Kevin immediately stood straighter and felt his shoulders grow rigid with uncertainty. This one was taller than the last, but slightly more hunched over in stature with weathered features that were a dead give away to who he was. When it all came down to it, Kevin decided that he didn't trust him either.  
  
“Which one of you is Benny?” the man called out in a voice that was rough like sand paper from too many years of hard smoking.  
  
This time, Kevin didn't try to surge forward when Benny took a step towards the man with a short nod of his head. “I'm assuming you're Garrett?”  
  
“Depends who is asking,” came the non-chalant answer that had the man shrugging along in response.  
  
Benny held out a calm hand. “Benny Estes. We've talked on the phone.”  
  
Garrett lightly shook Benny's hand and then withdrew quickly. “Right. Of course. Uh-” His eyes flit to Kevin. “And you're James' friend. The one who's looking for him.”  
  
“I am,” Kevin answered and held out a firm hand to shake, but Garrett refused to take the gesture.  
  
“Yeah, well, he's my friend too,” Garrett said and crossed his arms over my chest. “I don't care who you are. All I care about is the fact that I'm selling my friend out.”  
  
“And I'm thankful for that,” Kevin said without hesitation. “His family is thankful for what you're doing too. We've been looking for him for a long time-”  
  
“Some of us are a lost cause, like myself. We ain't got family that could give two shits less about us,” Garrett continued. “James might be a screwed up guy. He's got a lot of baggage and I don't know the half of it. S'none of my business and he doesn't talk much about it. But...he sure as Hell doesn't need to be out here any longer. The guy needs help. Serious help.”  
  
“ ** _That's_**  why I'm here, Garrett,” Kevin told him pointedly, his patience wearing even more thin. “ ** _That's_**  why I need you to help me get to him.”  
  
Garrett's gaze was steely as he focused it on Kevin. He scowled slightly. “Listen, I don't know what you're expecting, but I can guarantee you that James ain't nothing like you remember him being.”  
  
Kevin was annoyed, downright annoyed at the blatant procrastination on Garrett's part. He was also annoyed at how the man seemed so insistent that he  ** _knew_**  AJ, when the fact of the matter was, he didn't know a damn thing about who AJ really was as a person. Garrett didn't know AJ's past. Garrett didn't know AJ's character. Garrett couldn't possibly know because he was just as broken in all aspects. It unexpectedly made Kevin's blood boil. Benny must have been able to tell as much because he stepped in between Kevin and Garrett with an air of authority.  
  
“How about you take us to James and let us deal with the ramifications?” he suggested civilly.  
  
“Don't say I didn't warn ya,” Garrett muttered and turned from the two of them, expecting them to just follow him.  
  
Benny nodded to Kevin and together they fell into step behind Garrett. Before long, they entered the musty air of the tunnel, their footsteps echoing and bouncing off the walls around them. The gradually growing darkness felt like it crept in on them from all sides, as if beckoning them in further and following them from behind to make sure they didn't turn back on a second thought. A few steps ahead of Benny and Kevin, a light clicked on from the small flashlight in Garrett's hand. The glow was dim, but it at least illuminated their path enough so they could walk safely.  
  
Garrett stopped abruptly nearby a small opening in the wall to his right and motioned with a nod of his head before stepping back out of the way. “In there.”  
  
Kevin felt his heart leap into his throat. Five years of searching. Five years of waiting. He wanted to run through that opening, but it felt like his feet were glued to the ground, keeping him in place. Benny looked at him, silently questioning, until Kevin brushed past him with determination crossing his features. He stepped through the opening into the dark space without regard to his own personal safety and parted dry lips to call out. But his voice wouldn't project, caught by the hammering of his heart.  
  
Suddenly, Kevin found himself being shoved back and pinned against the wall, kept in place by a presumably sharp metal object held to his throat. It knocked the breath from his lungs and he wheezed. “Whoa whoa whoa, Alex, calm down! It's me! It's Kevin!” he choked on the words that passed his lips.  
  
There was an audible fumbling, but the object pressed to his throat never moved away. Then the click of a Zippo lighter opening produced a tiny flickering flame near Kevin's right cheek and for the first time in five years, his eyes locked with AJ's.


End file.
